hi, happy 1 year and 5 months. i can't send you this directly so i want you to suffer before reading this lol joke, i'm just shy to send this. you know that i'm mentally unstable because shits happen randomly and i don't wanna talk about it, they will only trigger me and also it will affect you so thank you for the patience and understanding even though i refuse to talk to anyone almost everyday, knowing that communication is the key but to be honest i don't mind, i think our relationship don't have much problems, it's just me. i've changed a lot and i keep isolating myself, that's what i want because in that way i can feel so much better. anyway, it's not about me, it's about you and me. i'm proud that we've still reached this time together despite of me giving you struggles and burdens. everything seems hopeless to me, there are so many heavy baggages that get in my way. i'm sorry if i can't be a deserving partner for you, i can't. you're too perfect of being a lover, i know you don't deserve the treatment i'm giving because it's all nothing but a bare minimum. i'm sorry that the things i can give you are always limited. let's just keep understanding ourselves as we are still together, this time i can't promise you anything. you don't deserve to suffer with me. i'm always proud of you, you're so strong and smart not only in academics but also in life. thank you for respecting me, for giving me the boundaries and spaces i wanted then receiving nothing from me. to be honest, i don't know what makes you stay by my side but i guess i just need to be grateful having you. i really am. thank you so much and i really appreciate you and your efforts. this won't be forever but i hope you got something from me even a small thing that makes you happy. always stay strong with or without me. happy monthsary, thank you so much for the love.
~ mentally ill and unstable partner